i have been blessed

I have been blessed with some of the most wonderful things anyone could ask for! I may not have money, or a long term partner/relationship but it has become very clear I am more than lucky with all I do have. I am truly blessed!

I am blessed to have two beautiful, wonderful, unique, loving, and understanding boys. They are awesome! Today my oldest asked me if I was happy that he and Barrett gave me a reason to keep going. I stopped and said really for a while they were the only reason I could keep going. I really hope they always realize how important they are to me, my life, and where I want to be!

I have amazing friends! I have been in a state of need for a while, was probably never going to even consider anything for Christmas other than just setting up the tree and a photo album of us as a family making it here. Now I find I have Angels coming out of the woodwork! Every single one of those women are friends who I met on a message board, and yet are so completely a part of my life I wish I lived near each and every one of them! I am surrounded by beautiful generous women who are such a blessing! Thank You doesn't cover enough in these situations!

Also I have a friend from back in good ole ND who sent me a kings ransom, which they believed to be just a small thing, to help me get by this tough time. God is watching over my family with some very special Angels indeed!

Last but certainly not least, Rachel P. Not only did she send something much needed at a time I couldn't afford diapers/laundry/milk...but also proving to me that if ever I have the chance and the funds diapers.com is the way to shop! I never even knew Luvs came in 180 count box!!! That is freaking awesome! Thank You!

So many blessings! So many touching not just our lives but our very souls! I cannot express what it really means to find out who your friends are!

I truly am so blessed!

Just as Rome fell, so shall they...

Long time no post. What could be the occasion? I just realized how vain I am, and had my sense of attractiveness completely crushed. I think I have always taken pride in my breasts. Proud they fed my children. Proud they look great in a tight shirt. Proud that they were quite large and well beautiful. I was in a MAJOR state of denial about the girls of late. They no longer are full, beautiful, attractive "fun bags" of last year. They aren't even as nice as they were before my second pregnancy. They look like a 50 year old womans boobs! Flat sad pancakes of flesh lacking even the tennis ball lump of a tennis ball in a sock! To take a halfway decent picture of them (yup I had to check them out via pictures to see if the mirror MAY have lied to me) I had to float them in water (vis the tub) AND take a picture from above, not at a normal angle. Did I mention the sagging skin wrinckles up? Yeah HOT! Maybe this is what happens to breasts after 35. Maybe its because they were so full of so much milk for so long. I find myself back to the thought that I may never want a man to see my body again. That is how important my boobs looking good means to me! Those of you 35+ gals with still great looking racks I can only say fuck you. That is so completely NOT fair! How will I ever get by without my wonderous rack?!? Will I now have to depend on my dazzling personality?!? (Oh how I wish it wasn't so "you either like it or don't") Will I have to depend now on my rock star good looks?!? (Oh wait, that's my fantasy face, not the real one in the mirror!) Maybe I will just go to bed and dream back my old boobs. I miss them so!