So, previously I have discussed my lack of patience and lack of sleep and all together issues that I need to work on. Well, today was a VERY bad day. I should have known it would be a very bad day because it started out so well! Barrett let mommy lounge on the couch and drift in and out of consciousness without getting into anything he wasn't supposed to or seriously injuring himself!! Yay!! Then I got up off the couch. 
Should have known better. LET THE SCREECHING BEGIN!! I seriously have little or no way of dealing with the screeching epidemic that has taken over at my house. Normally I would have just nipped this in the bud and put him in his Pack-n-Play to howl in the other room but unfortunatly, with our work schedule and Kevin and I both needing to get sleep we have ended up spoiling the crap out of this little turd. To keep from waking up the other while they are sleeping we pick him up and try to appease him at every howl, every wail. I paid for this in SPADES today. I am tired, I am more than tired I am EXHAUSTED! I could do nothing without either holding Barrett or him SCREAMING at me. There was nothing I could do. I finally just let him go. Screaming for almost half an hour. I had to call mom for an intervention. Thinking when Xander got home things would be better I declined her wonderful offer to come and take Barrett for a few hours. 
So....jump to the moment my 11 yo is yelling at Barrett, who I am trying to get to stop doing something all together naughty I just snapped. I swooped over picked up Barrett and swatted him REALLY hard on the diaper. Well, I missed the diaper. And being the worst mother ever, I really hurt my child. He was relatively unfazed by these events and went directly back to the No-No that he was enthralled with earlier, and I just thought, insert sigh of relief, it must have not been as hard as I imagined. Well, it was......I put a red mark on my babies back.
I saw it when I changed his diaper. I have to get away, or some sort of relief, I never never thought I was someone who would intentionally hurt my baby. Now I am even more upset. So this is my confession to the world. I am sorry, I hope I will NEVER do that again! I am record setting, the worst mommy ever!
Should have known better. LET THE SCREECHING BEGIN!! I seriously have little or no way of dealing with the screeching epidemic that has taken over at my house. Normally I would have just nipped this in the bud and put him in his Pack-n-Play to howl in the other room but unfortunatly, with our work schedule and Kevin and I both needing to get sleep we have ended up spoiling the crap out of this little turd. To keep from waking up the other while they are sleeping we pick him up and try to appease him at every howl, every wail. I paid for this in SPADES today. I am tired, I am more than tired I am EXHAUSTED! I could do nothing without either holding Barrett or him SCREAMING at me. There was nothing I could do. I finally just let him go. Screaming for almost half an hour. I had to call mom for an intervention. Thinking when Xander got home things would be better I declined her wonderful offer to come and take Barrett for a few hours. So....jump to the moment my 11 yo is yelling at Barrett, who I am trying to get to stop doing something all together naughty I just snapped. I swooped over picked up Barrett and swatted him REALLY hard on the diaper. Well, I missed the diaper. And being the worst mother ever, I really hurt my child. He was relatively unfazed by these events and went directly back to the No-No that he was enthralled with earlier, and I just thought, insert sigh of relief, it must have not been as hard as I imagined. Well, it was......I put a red mark on my babies back. I saw it when I changed his diaper. I have to get away, or some sort of relief, I never never thought I was someone who would intentionally hurt my baby. Now I am even more upset. So this is my confession to the world. I am sorry, I hope I will NEVER do that again! I am record setting, the worst mommy ever!
1 comment:
don't stress - we've all been there. i flicked casey in the back of the head a couple of days ago (much harder than anticipated) and had MAJOR guilt afterward. try to get yourself a breather!
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