So, I totally will be the first to sing the praises of my boyfriend Kevin in letting me get as much sleep as is humanly possible with a 10 month old and a 12 hour over night job. But no matter how much "make up" sleep I get nothing changes the fact that I am getting a little more on edge every day, and every day that this baby refuses to sleep, take a nap, or do anything other than squeal in either delight, anger or both is slowly and steadily driving me crazy.
Not good crazy either. The reason I am blogging right now is because I have reached my limit. I have to simply IGNORE whatever it is that the baby is doing and pray that the baby proofing is going to hold up and the cats won't decide they have had enough of his crap and gang up and smother/claw my baby to death. At this point I know I would save him but I might take my time getting up off the couch! There is no doubt I would move heaven and earth for my kids but I have reached such a low level of tolerance that I am not sure what is going to motivate me to do anything right now barring near serious injury/death. I am not sure if that will be met with tears or laughter at this point
. It is almost as if the "thing" inside of me that represents my patience/sanity is stretched to its tightest proportion....like if it was visible you could see through it in a thin opaquey way. One single pin prick causing it to burst like a too full balloon. I think I might need a vacation. Is it possible to take a vacation away EVERYONE? I mean do I HAVE to take my kids?? Hell, I would be lucky to get a vacation WITH the kids.
I don't know what has pushed me to this point but I have to say I know life was easier. Oh....and part of my stress is wonderful news in other peoples lives. My 10 month old has now started walking. So no more just sitting around for him....Joy! Read that last with a sincere lack of enthusiasm only a burnt out exhausted second time mom would have remembering back when her first baby worried her to death by not walking after 16 months old. Oh, to get in the way back machine and inform that MUCH MUCH younger me to cherish that gift my oldest was giving me!!
Of course then I would have to go off about putting up with crap from my Ex-husband who was far from being an ex at that point in which I would only imagine a knock down drag out fight between me and my younger self would ensue, and I am pretty sure I would kick my ass....the younger me having to take the bulk of the beating and thus losing which I could only assume would affect the time line now to the extent that now would be irrevocably changed and much like the butterfly effect everything in my world would not be as it is now and maybe the world would rip open and suck us all in in some strange random black hole. Yes, I think too much and in very odd and off beat ways when I am stressed and tired. I wonder what kind of chaotic string theories I can come up with today......
Not good crazy either. The reason I am blogging right now is because I have reached my limit. I have to simply IGNORE whatever it is that the baby is doing and pray that the baby proofing is going to hold up and the cats won't decide they have had enough of his crap and gang up and smother/claw my baby to death. At this point I know I would save him but I might take my time getting up off the couch! There is no doubt I would move heaven and earth for my kids but I have reached such a low level of tolerance that I am not sure what is going to motivate me to do anything right now barring near serious injury/death. I am not sure if that will be met with tears or laughter at this point. It is almost as if the "thing" inside of me that represents my patience/sanity is stretched to its tightest proportion....like if it was visible you could see through it in a thin opaquey way. One single pin prick causing it to burst like a too full balloon. I think I might need a vacation. Is it possible to take a vacation away EVERYONE? I mean do I HAVE to take my kids?? Hell, I would be lucky to get a vacation WITH the kids. I don't know what has pushed me to this point but I have to say I know life was easier. Oh....and part of my stress is wonderful news in other peoples lives. My 10 month old has now started walking. So no more just sitting around for him....Joy! Read that last with a sincere lack of enthusiasm only a burnt out exhausted second time mom would have remembering back when her first baby worried her to death by not walking after 16 months old. Oh, to get in the way back machine and inform that MUCH MUCH younger me to cherish that gift my oldest was giving me!! Of course then I would have to go off about putting up with crap from my Ex-husband who was far from being an ex at that point in which I would only imagine a knock down drag out fight between me and my younger self would ensue, and I am pretty sure I would kick my ass....the younger me having to take the bulk of the beating and thus losing which I could only assume would affect the time line now to the extent that now would be irrevocably changed and much like the butterfly effect everything in my world would not be as it is now and maybe the world would rip open and suck us all in in some strange random black hole. Yes, I think too much and in very odd and off beat ways when I am stressed and tired. I wonder what kind of chaotic string theories I can come up with today......
1 comment:
omg i know exactly how you feel well except the sleeping part but the stressed part i know it i feel ya lol
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