New Year to appreciate the love I have for my Family

I am very much looking forward to my New Year. I can't wait to see what it means for me and my family. I can't help but love my Baby Barrett more and more every day, even though he has the slimmest of an evil streak, and doesn't seem to understand that yanking on hair does hurt (as it seems to cause him NO pain when you pull on what little hair is on his head) or that biting though fun, is not a way to win friends and influence people! Xander I am sure will test me again and again in the coming months. I have resolved however to ignore the fact that he is on my very LAST nerve with every single thing he does, because deep down, he is a wonderful LOVING child who does care about this family. He just has no control due to the hormones SURGING around in his Pre-Teen body and brain. (And I honestly believe he is thinking with his pee pee rather than his brain already, which being male I think is a normal thing around this age...*SHUDDER*) Jacob is a loving wonderful little boy who is completely attached to his daddy when he is around, I hope that he gets to spend more time with his father this New Year! I think he needs to be exposed to a little more daddy time so that he has a chance to really develop the skills that will be necessary to truly compliment the evil genius brewing beneath the surface on my Bear. I am sure these two will be partners in crime, we just hope not anything prosecutable until after they are of "legal" age!! Last but not least I hope Kevin doesn't get sick of me and my crazy weird life! I love my boys and I am so glad to have all of them in my life. On days like this, I don't feel so bad being the only girl!

Searching for all the right words....

I haven't been here in a while, there has been a lot going on. Just before Christmas the boys and I headed down to Little Rock to visit my Grandmother for possibly the last time. My Aunt Mary called letting us know that she was in the care of Hospice and it might not be too much longer. She just never recovered from an infection that had happened just before Thanksgiving. I didn't feel bad that Grandma was dieing, I was glad for her to finally completing this earthly journey and going to be with Our Lord and Saviour and my Grandfather who had passed 12 years ago. The boys and I made the trip very quickly (I learned to try something new for once and took a shorter route I was unfamiliar with) and spent the night at Mary's house. Grandma was being cared for by some wonderful Nurses who I can't thank enough for all the help they gave to my Aunt with the in home care. We made sure we told her (Grandma) we loved her and we had to go. Well, being me, navigationally challenged and such, we ended up missing a turn on our new route home and ended up 40 miles out of our way. I turned around and headed back the way I came until we were going the right direction again. As we came into Mountain Home I called my Aunt to let her know we made it and she let me know that she had just gone to check on Grandma and she had stopped breathing. Thank God she was able to go peacefully. I am going to try and dig up some pictures later and write a post all about the woman who I probably have admired more than anyone else in my life. She was an amazing wife, mother, Grandmother and Great Grandmother.

Christmas Eve and Day were very busy simply because I had to take the boys up to my

mothers for her to watch while I worked both nights. Knowing we would be going to a funeral on Saturday and have to be down for the viewing on Friday we had to make sure we had everything packed and ready to go before I went to work. Needless to say we almost accomplished that goal!! The boys got new dress clothes for the funeral and both looked mighty handsome, but I didn't get any pictures as we forgot our camera at Grandma Miki's house. The pictures that accompany this post are from our visit with Mary and Christmas at Grandma Miki's house. I know the post is a bummer but the pictures are cute! More to come later I am sure!

I am SOOOO OVER this being sick buisness...so why don't I feel better???

Day 3042 of sickness, I am afraid I will never remember what it is to be healthy. What it once meant to draw in a breath and not have my chest contract and coughing to start uncontrollably. What it once was to not have phlegm and snot pouring from the frontal orifices of my head. What hearing normally without this "underwater" type feeling was like. Ok, so maybe it has only been 8 days but OMG this cold will NOT go away!! I want to be able to breath normally. I want to be able to go somewhere without tissues attached to my person. Most of all I want to be able to SING without sounding like a tone-deaf man with a throw back to voice changing of puberty! I actually want to sing Christmas Carols and bring "Joy" to my world! I will surely rejoice once my snot locker is cleared out and this moves on! I am halfway through my working weekend. I can't wait to be on days off too. I love to work, I love my job, I love my co-workers. I just want to sleep. For a really really long uninterrupted time. Will this happen, I am sure no. But dare to dream! This time last year, or around this time last year, we had a wonderful snowfall and it was soooo pretty! I am hoping for much the same soon! So with those hopes I have placed pictures of last years snow out at my Aunt Pat's place along with my complaints of this plague that will not let me go!

The Bigger I Get The Harder It Is To Fit In The Way Back Machine

So without filling this entire blog form full of complaints about my oldest child's lack of responsibility or anything else really, I will just say we have been having MANY a trying day lately. He seems to have learned absolutely nothing from all of this, I guess that is what it is to be 11, I don't know. I on the other hand have learned many valuable, or maybe only to me, things.

Teachers are WAY nicer to kids these days than I remember them being back when I was in school. Now, as I get Bigger (I shudder to say older as I have been feeling so young lately) I find that my memories of yesteryear, or the good ole days, or just the plain old past....well it isn't as clear as it used to be. Lets say looking back for me is like looking at the alarm clock in the morning with my glasses not firmly in place on my face. I know its there, I see something shiny and shaped somewhat like numbers but until I pick it up and pull it up to about 3 inches from my face, I have no idea what time it is. How is this like my memory, well until I concentrate and think back on something significant or memorable, I can only tell you feint general memories of the time, say when I was in the 6th grade. If my mother brings up something specific, she does this a lot lately in an annoying "in your face, now you know what I went through" attitude that is clearly undeserved. I mean the fact that I have little or no memory of this time clearly proves I couldn't have had too much going on back then RIGHT? If I was in trouble ALL the time like my son I would remember that! (Right?) But I digress....Teachers, from what I remember back in "my"day would tell you an assignment is due, you turned it in or you didn't. If you went to said teacher and said, oops I forgot can I turn it in late you were VERY very lucky if they let you. Mostly you got a too bad, learn your lesson and move on. Well, my son's teachers are letting him make up all sorts of work. I am terribly happy about this because he is FAILING many of his classes and this is the ONLY way he can bring his grade up to passing. But I still wonder how did I make it through this grade if my teachers didn't let me do such a thing?? I know I was not very good in school, my mom reminds me of this on a daily basis, so how did I make it without being held back or failing?? I guess the only thing different is the presence of my dad and a belt/board/hand/whatever to beat my ass when I stepped out of line. Which was a lot in my foggy memory bank. I can only say that at this point, beating my child while sounding like something that will make ME feel better does not seem to have the needed effect that it had back when I was a kid. Is this my fault? Perhaps I am not as intimidating or mean as my father was? I am not sure, I just know that I am not as scary to my son as I remember my parents being to me and my sister. Maybe it is the single parent thing? Wearing both shoes? All I do know is I can only hope my memories of these days will fade and fog like those of my Elementary School Days. Included to add a little picture to this post are shots of my Baby, because my oldest makes me so mad I can't even bring myself to take his picture lately. And I find pictures of Barrett Strangely Calming. Mmmmmmmmmm.....Calm!

Is this why I don't get a lot of Adult Interaction???

Ok, I am not saying I acted inappropriately, or anything like that, but I did have a great time at the Christmas Party for the Sheriffs Department.

I am not sure if it is that people need to be drunk to appreciate me or if I just get along better with drunk people but they seemed to tolerate me more Saturday night. It could just be me.

So you don't know these people, or maybe you do, but here are some pictures to show you its not just me and my family...other adults do interact with me....if that is alcohol readily available at least!

Did you see the moon?

Tonight was a great night to go out and look up in the sky! The moon is HUGE, and beautiful. I tried to take some extended exposure pictures and most turned out blurry but I got a couple I like. I am going to go out later tonight and take more when it is in a different position and I am sure even bigger!

I worked on catching up on my sleep today which was only possible because I have the best boyfriend ever! Kevin let me just stay in bed most of the day. I am sick so nothing too verbose or creative tonight.

My Baby is SO Cute, That MAY be the only Reason I Don't Eat My Young!

There are times when lack of sleep make you deliriously happy and completely unaware of things that go on around you thus making the passing of time a blur and become something not really that torturous and horrible. Today was NOT one of those days. So I make it through the day hanging on to delirium and the teasing of ALMOST getting to fall asleep before my darling little man would pop up his head with an evil smile and start rollicking around like a crazed lunatic. (Crazed lunatic. Seems a bit redundant doesn't it?) He, Barrett, has taken to lulling me into a somewhat relaxed state and then coming up and biting me with his nearly razor sharp baby teeth. I have little "hickey" looking bite marks all over my body from today! By the time I am preparing to leave my home to head to work (after nearly 2.5 hours of sleep total and not all at one time) and fighting a mad banshee type bandicoot into a diaper and a sleeper outfit and his jacket I am exhausted! Also I am dealing with the fact that my 11yo has absolutely no need for homework, or passing grades so going through his homework tonight was like a long slow walk across dirty broken glass bare footed and nearly as enjoyable! So to get to leave my home tonight was like a release from a cell that no light could enter, the fresh air felt so good! And that lasted such a short time. As I drove away from the babysitters house, the howls of my Bear fading in the distance, I felt a niggling dread that I could not place. Little did I know we were walking into a full moon night. Those of you who don't work in the emergency field may not believe in the full moon effect. Those of us who do not only believe in it, we dread it! It is almost more powerful that mentioning the "Q" word in dispatch on a slow night. (Q meaning Quiet, the mere mention of this word will cause all hell to break loose.) I am, as I have mentioned before, unable to mention any details of my night to you here, but lets just say that I was VERY busy and some of the people who call 911 can be annoying (I am amazed I can put it so very Mildly!). So, before 10 pm Kevin ends up going to the ER with an injury sustained during a call, somehow injuring his left arm. This is enough for me to worry about him but also not worry too much cause, well it is just his arm, Thank God. So, he gets to go home and go to sleep. I am jealous. I am at this point VERY tired. Not jealous that he is hurt, jealous that he gets to go sleep. I want to sleep. I can't wait to sleep. I have had so much caffeine in this day that I would think I might have to take some kind of "downer" to make me able to relax, but then maybe no, maybe I should just stop ingesting the copious amounts of sugar that I have been sustaining myself on for the past few hours and I would be less apt to feel "hopped up" on something. By the way, I do believe that Krispy Kreme Doughnuts SHOULD be considered a controlled substance and I will deny any contact with them in the morning much less when I find I have gained 10 more pounds due to pounding down everything within my arms reach tonight. So, my point, really I had one at one time....I think it got away about 5 hours ago though....My baby is just lucky his is so darn cute, cause today I was eating to stay awake and I really do feel that if it wasn't for his smile and being so cute, I would really eat him!