Title: It's Complicated

I swear the theme of my life has always been it's complicated! And it just keeps getting more and more complicated too! Here I sit getting ready for my new job (yay me) I have worked one week already but that was all orientation type stuff. I am not part of the corporate machine! I work at Wal*Mart! As much as I dreaded working in retail, simply because a background of working 911 for many years does not lend you to thinking about working with people much, I have to say that so far I LOVE IT! Which is wonderful because the things that make me happy are getting fewer and fewer.

My relationship with Kevin is over. I ended it, he hopes to win me back, and maybe sometime in the future that may be possible. God knows everyone is giving me the forgiveness lecture! But I really need to move me and the kids into another place. That is my current complication! I can't seem to find anything available for low income housing. As much as I would love to say I can live without government assistance it just isn't possible. A child support check every two months and no other help from the oldest's father...well that leaves me having to support us completely and I can't say I can do that very well. I guess at some point I will just give up my car. That will completely ruin my credit, no wait that is already ruined. And then I will be trying to figure out what to do for transportation. Oh and I still haven't found anywhere to live yet. Just the other day I found out that Kevin isn't going to stay here much longer, meaning the apartment we are living in together,nso that means either I pull the money tree out of the recesses of my nether regions or I start selling myself for rent money. Hmm, Money tree sounds much more promising. So basically I can't afford regular rent. I can't find income based housing, and I need to figure it all out in oh a month?!?

I hate that it all seems like whining lately but I never wanted to be single again. I never wanted to be in a place where I couldn't afford to support my kids. I feel like a total drain on my friends and family. But I look at my kids and no matter how annoying they are (and believe me they rival the best!) I love them more than my own life. I will do anything it takes to make sure that I have them with me and provide everything they need. (Notice need, not want!) So, in short, life sucks and I really wish wishes worked. Since they don't, I am praying God provides. (Since obviously I can only do so much!)